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Deviant state of mind.

It has been too long since I last wrote something on this blog. A part of it was caused by my perpetual laziness. And another part of it was because, I thought that this place was too public for me to write down what I felt/am feeling. Which totally goes against why I made this blog in the first place! Well, it's probably because I haven't really been..  Myself. I thought it was just a temporary phase that would come and go in a blink of an eye. I tried many things to make me feel better. But no, the content and serenity that I had in me has long been disrupted for a month now. And that's a really long time for me, considering that I was once a very jovial, exuberant human-being. I even thought that it is incronguous and  unbefitting for me to write "exuberant" as my bio on Tumblr. Heck, I even looked up for signs of depression online and that really says a lot about the state that I'm in right now. It feels like I'm back to my 15-year-old self, where I would lock myself in the bathroom and just cry, and cry, and cry. I had sort of a panic attack(?) earlier today when I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe and this feeling of despair just overwhelmed me that I repeated what I did five years ago, by locking myself in the bathroom once again. I don't wanna go back to where I came from. That was a dark state of mine. I have come so far, and I don't want to be pulled back into the abyss that I had climbed out from.




 I only hope to overcome these woes and go back to my happier days.




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